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starry-bi-sky · 8 months ago

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tales of the passerine - danny fenton being bruce wayne's first kid

okay okay. so this is like a continuation/elaboration of my oneshot/prompt i wrote about the idea that Danny was the first batkid. We have a lot of aus where he joins the family after the rest of the bats do, right? So hey! Lets shake things up a bit. Danny is the first to be adopted by Bruce Wayne.

Danny's parents and unfortunately Jazz die shortly after the events of TUE -- how so? I was gonna say an ecto-filter explosion, that would call back to the TUE explosion and trauma behind that. But lets do something new! Carbon-monoxide poisoning.

It's not too unexpected for something to break in the Fenton house, especially with the Fenton parents' questionable understanding of proper weapon handling and lab safety. The water heater broke from a stray shot by one of the weapons, and was promptly MacGyver'd incorrectly. Danny went to stay with Tucker for a guys' night, and came back to a dead silent house.

(Danny's neighbors got a very unfortunate shock when he ran to the next house over in hysterics.)

There was a lot of shuffling around with CPS, the police. People had to be called in to handle the equipment in the lab, and the GIW was rumoring to show up in aid to clearing the scene. When Danny heard of that, he immediately went and dismantled the ghost portal to the best of his abilities. He burned the physical blueprints of all his parents' inventions, their blueprints on the ghost portal, and their most dangerous weapons were destroyed beyond recognition. Anything to prevent the GIW from getting their hands on his parents' tech.

It opened up another investigation, but he was not under the list of suspects. He was placed in the care of Vlad Masters, where they then went back to the rebuilt castle mansion in Wisconsin. Danny, terrified of the future that has once passed and may do so again, shuts down in his grief. Inadvertently, he ends up somewhat repressing his ghost half. Something Vlad, who is grieving Madeline but relishing in Jack's demise and his custody of Daniel, is not very happy with.

Vlad's... gone into a bit of a mental health spiral. He's becoming increasingly possessive over Daniel, the final remnants of his friends and a liminal being like him. He doesn't like that Danny's repressing his ghost half -- both out of genuine concern as a ghost, but also because of his desire to control Danny and groom him into the perfect son. If you ever had a phase where you read Dark SBI found family fics, first off; me too bro, and second off; those are the vibes I'm thinking of.

Danny's mentally shut down from grief! And fear. He's dropped into a bad depressive state -- paralyzed with grief and the terror of the inevitable. Clockwork saved his parents because he believes in second chances, but what's the point of that when his family ended up dead anyways? Danny doesn't wanna believe that he's destined to become evil, and he's holding out onto that hope, but it's a thin line, and he feels utterly hopeless and trapped. He hasn't used his powers or ghost form since he trashed the lab, and Vlad has alarms set up to prevent him from trying to escape.

He's also unintentionally cut off Sam and Tucker -- both of whom are so scared and concerned for Danny too, and are trying their damndest to reach out to him. He keeps ignoring their texts. Danny basically haunts Vlad's manor. He goes out to eat if he has to, attends parties Vlad drags him to, and stays in his room all day if he can.

At parties, Vlad doesn't allow Danny to leave his side, or really talk to anyone -- not that Danny wants to. A product of Vlad's increasing possessiveness. Well, he almost doesn't let Danny leave his side. Danny has a habit of slipping off to hide somewhere for the parties whenever he can, and Vlad reluctantly allows it so long as he stays alone.

This becomes an advantage when eventually, Bruce Wayne returns to Gotham after missing for years, and holds a bright charity ball to celebrate the return. Vlad has been chomping at the bits to get his hands on Wayne Industries, and with the return of its owner there is no better opportunity to wipe out his rival. He goes, and he as normal, brings Daniel with him.

Vlad thinks Wayne will bleed his little heart out for Daniel's poor orphan sob story -- he's a fellow orphan himself, after all. He's not wrong; Wayne's little heart will bleed, just not in the way that benefits him.

Bruce sees Vlad and Danny approaching before they're even close enough to introduce themselves - and like with many of the children he will soon come to care for, it's like someone set a mirror into the past right in front of him.

Danny Fenton's suit is tailor-made for him, and despite the fact that it's his perfect size, the sag in his shoulders, the ducked down head, and the way he hunches into himself all pictures the image of a child in shoes too big for him. There's a far away, glazed over look in his eyes and grief marble-cut into the lines of his face. There's not enough makeup in the world that will hide the dark circles under his eyes.

("My nephew, Daniel Fenton." Vlad's hands are possessive on Danny's shoulders. Bruce immediately notices the way the boy tenses under his touch. "His parents passed recently, and as his godfather I was designated his guardian.") ("I'm so sorry, the loss must've been terrible.") ("Yes, carbon-monoxide poisoning caused it. Daniel was out with friends, when he came home... they had already passed.") (Bruce immediately dislikes that Vlad shared the details of their death unprompted -- he likes it even less when Danny flinches at the reminder and hunches into himself.)

Danny runs off at some point earlier into the charity. At this point, parties are still being held at Wayne Manor (because iirc google search mentioned that was a thing at first before it was changed), so he disappears and hides in one of the empty rooms nearby. It just so happens to be the same room Bruce Wayne hides in when he needs a break from all of the socialization.

Thus begins a long, long process of trust. Bruce can't reveal his hand as being smarter than he looks, but he can be compassionate. Kindness needs no measure of intelligence. He keeps Danny company for as long as he can before he runs the risk of being found.

Rinse and repeat. Vlad insistently wants Wayne Industries, and he'll go to as many Wayne parties as he can to get his hooks into the man. The problem is that Bruce Wayne is never alone, and getting him alone is impossible. Finding him too. It's like the man never stops moving. Always talking to someone, always circling somewhere. He orbits around the room as if he isn't the sun of the Gotham Elite's solar system.

Danny's had such repetitive behavior that Vlad never thinks to believe that Bruce Wayne is disappearing to go talk to him. That "Vlad's" son is even interacting with him at all. Danny never gives him a reason to think so, and neither does Bruce.

Danny doesn't actually acknowledge Bruce until a handful of parties in, where he hands Bruce a small slip of paper he smuggled in that says; "don't trust Vlad". Danny's face stays carefully blank, but he's so tense that his hands are trembling, and he's purposely looking away from him. Bruce plasters a smile onto his face, slips the paper into his pocket, and tells him "okay".

(he's been busy with his own goals with the mafia, but he sets aside time to investigate Vlad Masters. He was holding off. Until now.)

Danny does eventually start speaking to Bruce, he's starting to really like the guy. He's starting to see a little hope, even as Vlad is starting to get more and more agitated with him the more he refuses to use his powers.

He reaches out to Sam and Tucker again, and starts trying to reconnect with them. Vlad has spyware on his phone, and he limits the amount of times he can talk to them. A weird parental control lock of some sort that leaves a time limit on how long he can talk to them for. 30 minutes. Danny doesn't tell them anything about Mr. Wayne.

Danny, slowly, wants out of here, and he's slowly gathering the motivation to do it. Vlad is genuinely scaring him -- and Danny wonders just how truthful the past-future Vlad was when he told him that Danny wanted his ghost half separate. He starts trying to come up with an escape plan.

Vlad has anti-ghost wards everywhere around the mansion, and while they're always on, they boost to full power at sunset. The doors and windows are always locked, all main exits have alarms set on them. The only reason it's not super extensive is because Danny hasn't tried leaving at all yet, so Vlad hasn't had to tighten anything.

At night, Vlad locks the door to his room and puts up an anti-ghost ward around the room. The mansion is on the outside westward side of Madison, more entrenched in rural Wisconsin. The closest town is a four-way stop sign with one house on three corners, and an open bar on the fourth. Not much to go.

He refuses to go to Sam and Tucker; Vlad would look there first. It's too dangerous. Vlad would sound alarm bells and have a manhunt looking for him, Danny can't risk going just anywhere. Too much risk of being found, sold out, or caught. There's really nowhere for him to hide.

Until there is. Bruce is telling Danny about the history of Wayne Manor, and says, as casually as saying the weather; "The manor has dozens of empty rooms, I'm sure Alfred wouldn't mind filling another one if he could." And quietly, hesitantly, Bruce places a careful hand on Danny's shoulder, unrestrictive and gentle; "He wouldn't mind getting one ready for you if you need one."

And there it is. There's his out.

Danny, just as quietly, replies; "I'll keep that in mind."

The ball starts rolling.

Now I've been trying to summarize this au as much as possible for length convenience, but Vlad has been steadily growing more and more controlling. More emotionally manipulative. More agitated at Danny for not using his powers.

He wants Wayne Industries under his thumb but he's been steadily growing more and more concerned with Danny. He's started grabbing him, yanking him around, shaking him; trying to goad him into using his powers. He gets angry when Danny doesn't react, or tells him he doesn't want to use his powers. He hasn't outright attacked him, but he's getting there. This has been happening over the time it takes for Bruce to indirectly offer Danny sanctuary at his home.

It all comes to a head when Vlad stops going to parties at all -- something Danny has to pretend he isn't upset about -- because Vlad doesn't want him around other people anymore. Vlad rarely goes now without him, and only leaves to go to a Wayne function or to handle something at VladCo.

Danny can't wait for Vlad to leave long enough to escape. So he leaves during the night of a big storm. Vlad's locked him in his room, but Danny doesn't bother trying to go for it; he goes to the alarmed window instead. Danny's been repressing his ghost half so long that he can't access his powers immediately anymore -- he can feel it, he knows its there, but he can't quite reach it.

He breaks the lock by hand.

Immediately the alarm goes off through the entire castle, filling the room with red, and he scrambles for the rope the Wisconsin Ghost left for him a few months back. Danny's already out and climbing down the side of the castle before Vlad even reaches his door -- the only good thing about the entire room being ghost-proof is that Vlad can't get in that way.

The rope ends before it reaches the bottom, and he's still twenty feet in the air. It won't kill him if he lands it right. Danny takes his chances, and drops. He breaks his ankle, but he survives.

And he fucking books it to the back garden. He hears Vlad shrieking over the thunder and rain.

I'll save the full experience for a future oneshot, but Danny makes it out into the nearby woods and forcibly experiences what it's like to be in a horror game, trying to hide from the thing that's hunting you. There's only one thing going through his mind; "i'm going to die"

I have this mental image for this scene. Very stereotypical horror imo. Where Danny is hiding behind a tree, with a hand over his mouth, and Vlad is a few feet away from him, glowing ominously red through the trees, trying to search for him.

Danny doesn't get away from this unscathed, but he does get away alive. That's all he could ask for. He gets away by getting his ghost half awakened long enough to transform into Phantom and fly to Gotham.

But he gets to Wayne Manor, he gets to Bruce. Or, at least, Alfred answers the door from his insistent pounding. Danny's just in tears and Alfred gets him in the living room, wrapped in a towel, with ice on his swollen leg before he has to step out and alert Bruce.

Bruce already breaks multiple traffic laws on a nightly basis. And that's just with the sheer existence of the batmobile itself, not including the speeding and military artillery attached. He breaks double the amount trying to speed back to the cave and get out of the suit.

Right off the bat: Bruce will know, at least before Dick enters the picture, about danny's powers. He'll figure out something considering the fact that Danny traveled from Wisconsin to New York in a single night. That'll be a bit of complicated affair, but I've already got something in mind.

Actually it'll probably be very soon after Danny joins the family, because Bruce tries to offer to fight for custody for Danny - the state Danny was in at arrival is clear enough evidence for a trial. But Danny immediately shuts it down, says it's not going to work and then Vlad will know Danny's with him and he won't be safe. He tells him that Vlad cannot know Danny was with Bruce.

Danny's biggest regret was not telling his parents he was a halfa, and while he doesn't want to tell mister wayne (yet), he does tell him about Vlad being one. He needs to know why Danny can't be seen with Bruce. So he tells him, and Danny's current plan is to just hide out from Vlad until he turns 18. That way, he has no more legal jurisdiction over him. After that? He's not sure.

And to wrap this up, since this has already gotten very long and I can make more posts about this au later; I've thought about it, and I'm going to say that Danny does become a vigilante before Dick enters the scene. He goes by, as you probably guessed; Nightingale. "Gale" for short.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #tales of the passerine au #i dont want to overemphasize how much vlad sucks but also i dont want to downplay it. but also i didn't wanna make this post too long #i didn't emphasize enough on vlad's possessiveness but i wanted to make this post as general enough as possible for the au.#for some more wiggle room in the future if i make more posts about this au.#the consequences for Danny repressing himself was not a concern i was focused on for the post but i am thinking about it and mulling it ove #i'll be blunt my main specific reason for why this occurs shortly after tue is bc it means dani doesn't exist yet and it means i dont have #to include her in the continuation of this au. i love that girl but she's a dead weight. i dont wanna come up with an elaborate reason as #to why she's not in the picture when i can just say 'she never created in the first place' instead. i don't have anything for her to do #I don't want to risk giving her a poor plot line just so that she exists in au.#sometimes i really hate just how long my posts get. i feel like it kills my engagement. but i also don't want to make posts that have #a part 1 and part 2 just because I think it got too long.#i feel kinda bad for having Danny take the spot of 'first partner' from Dick. But that was part of the reason i was inspired to make this a #i've already got the skeleton of a reasoning for danny becoming a vigilante being made in my head.#He can't go by Phantom since that risks drawing Vlad's attention -- a new vigilante showing up in Gotham. a place the visited frequently #who goes by the name Phantom? He'd be on that faster than chickens on meat. and nightingale has familial meaning behind it due to being #part of an ancestral name. it follows robin's theme of using it to honor his parents while still having its own unique enough lore to stand #on its own without feeling like a cheap copy. plus the bonus meta reason that it follows the bird theme. which personally is vital to me #my other alternative to Nightingale is Sparrow. mostly because it has good phonetic structure for a hero name. not too many syllables #a good balance of consonants and vowels. dont want a hero name with too many syllables or unbalanced consonants. or worse; both.#my reasonings is that hero names should be easy for a civ or teammate to yell while still being understood. max amount of syllables before #it threatens to become too wordy is 3. If it goes over 3 it should have a balanced consonant-vowel ratio. Wonder Woman is a good example #some things got cut here that were in the initial oneshot. like danny giving bruce his physical ghost core and showing up bloody.#the first son au

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feroluce · 8 months ago

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Belobog was my fave main quest but a lot of it is so. Contradictory. It's like they had multiple groups doing different shit and none of them checked in with each other for consistency. And you see this so much in Gepard's profile.

So in the main quest, they made him unfailingly, unquestionably loyal to Cocolia. Gepard's character arc is him learning to question authority etc etc. And this isn't even a bad thing; that's a story worth telling! It makes good conflict between him and Serval! And I love that we got Gepard as a boss battle and I get to see him all the time in SU!

But then you look at his character stories and it's like. The complete opposite.

According to his profile, Gepard has already HAD this awakening, long before the Astral Express, and he'd already decided Cocolia sucks. Even outside of his stories, there's a pretty damning readable between him and Pela.

He even disobeyed direct orders right in front of her- he has been disobeying orders for a while now!

So I've decided I'm marrying the two different sides of this into a 1.5k fic-ish thingy, because I think there's some fun potential there with Gepard not trusting Cocolia, but still having to pretend to be a good obedient little soldier.

Anyway. I love to think of it as like. Gepard knows Cocolia has sunk into her apathy. He can see it in her eyes every time he looks at her. She doesn't care. Not about him, not about Pela, not about all his soldiers on the frontlines giving their lives to protect the citizens. And that's... It makes him bristle a bit, but ok. Gepard can deal with this. Even if Cocolia no longer cares, as long as she does her job then it's fine. Having compassion behind an action doesn't matter as much as the action itself. If Cocolia's heart is no longer swayed, then he'll just have to care twice as hard to pick up the slack. He considers it part of his duty as a captain of the guard anyway. It's fine. Gepard can deal with it.

And then, Cocolia starts coming down to the restricted zone. Issuing direct orders.

And Gepard realizes he is in way over his head.

Because Cocolia orders him to stay back and issue commands from the ramparts, away from all his comrades, away from where he can protect them.

Gepard had thought nothing could be as bad as watching a fellow guard die right next to him. But the first time he watches someone struck by a killing blow, so far away, it hurts. Every defensive scar across his arms itches, his fingers curl in want of a weapon, the cold cannot numb his hands enough as they desperately ache for his shield. It hurts.

Gepard tries to find any reason to stay. Because surely... He knows Cocolia has lost her love for her people, but surely... She wouldn't...

One day, Cocolia orders for their gunners to advance 20 yards. There are no survivors. She almost looks like she smiles.

Gepard doesn't sleep that night.

Pela brings him the report at the end of the first month; and then the month after that, and the month after that. A significant uptick in losses, and all of it started on that first day Cocolia started overriding his authority and issuing her own orders. The ends of Gepard's pens have all been nearly chewed off. Pela outright calls Cocolia an idiot, and Gepard corrects her. Cocolia isn't an idiot. Gepard had known her through Serval, knew her through all her college years and then some, and he knows how intelligent she is. It's not that she's stupid, and it's not that she's inexperienced, it's nothing of the sort.

Cocolia knows exactly what she's doing.

She must, there's no way she could make such a horrible mess of things so badly by accident. And Pela, quick as a whip, sharp as a tack, always too smart for her own good, catches onto the meaning behind Gepard's correction without any further prompting. The tent goes deathly quiet, nothing but the wind howling outside.

"...She's trying to kill us," Pela whispers, her voice swiftly suffocated by the silence.

Gepard swallows. He can't bring himself to correct her this time. There is nothing he could say that he would actually mean.

His gaze drops, back down to his desk and the reports on it. The names aren't listed, just the numbers, but Gepard knows them, knew them, and there must be something wrong, something he's missing, because why, why would she-? What could this possibly accomplish-?

“Gepard! Focus!” Something snaps right under his nose, and Gepard startles, eyes instantly honing in on Pela's irritated face as she leans over his desk. She holds his gaze for a moment before she huffs and begins to pace, wedges a knuckle between her teeth and bites like Gepard hasn't seen her do since cadet school.

Pela angrily strides from one end of his tent to the other, words hissed between her grit teeth. “What are we going to do?” In the dim lighting, Gepard can just barely see the damp spot of blood weeping under her gloves. “We need a plan.”

“A plan?”

“Wh- Yes, a plan! Unless you want more people to die!” Pela rounds on him then, all the wrath of a blizzard, winds roaring and snow sharp enough to cut.

“We don't even know-”

“What does it matter?! She killed-!!” Pela cuts off with a garbled noise when Gepard leaps up from his desk, hastily shoves his hand over her mouth. The prosthetic, not the flesh one, because he knows better than to assume Pela won't seize the opportunity to leave teeth marks in his skin.

“You're right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry; you're right. But you need to keep quiet.” Pela quirks an eyebrow at him and Gepard can read the question in her face. “Because we both saw what she did to Serval,” he hisses.

It's amazing the snow plains haven't thawed out yet, the amount of heat Pela can put behind a glare. The mere mention of Serval, and the smoking ruins Cocolia had made of her life and career, have her bristling up like a riled cat. The sudden hot breath she takes fans fog across his metal skin, and Gepard wisely keeps it in place until Pela finally sighs and reaches up, taps her fingertips against the back of his hand.

The second she's free, Pela bats him away and then her knuckle is right back between her teeth again, Gepard leaning back against his desk with his arms crossed to watch her resume her pacing. “If we spread the word, she'll have us discharged and make sure we can't even touch the frontlines,” Pela's voice seethes like an open sore. Gepard nods but keeps his silence. He knows better than to get in her way.

“And if you and I are both out of the picture, Belobog is fucked.” A little harsher than how he would have put it, but there's no denying that they're both important to the city's survival. Pela has the restricted zone running as efficiently as ever, and Gepard had become the youngest captain on record for a reason. “We need to keep this tight under wraps, at least for now… It can't leak to anyone higher up the chain.” Another nod. “Serval might know other discontents…” Another n-

Gepard's head snaps up. “No.”

“No what?”

“No. We're not involving Serval in this.”

Somehow, even the same tone that leaves entire squadrons shaking in their boots has never worked on her. “You're not deciding that for her, Gepard.”

Pela hadn't seen the worst of it, though, back when his sister had just been banned from the Architects. Serval's pride hadn't allowed it. Pela wasn't the one to find her passed out bottle still in hand, hadn't been the one to wash the sick out of her hair or carry her to bed.

Serval still has trouble thinking clearly when it comes to Cocolia, still can't quite bring herself to be objective. And Gepard maybe doesn't want her to be purely objective- but he would worry a lot less if she thought twice before she acted more often.

“At least let me be the one to bring it up to her.”

“Whatever, fine,” Pela gestures affirmatively at him as she paces past, and Gepard sighs. Good, at least that's one thing he can help.

From there, it's a lot of hemming and hawing and frustration. Cocolia has them under her boot, and Gepard and Pela both know it. Even with the way she's been cracking down on freedoms lately, Cocolia is still, overall, liked by the people. It's unlikely anyone would believe them. They don't even have solid proof, because most people don't know Cocolia as well as they do and won't see the clues in the same light.

The Fragmentum has been ramping up in recent years, too. Everyone is struggling just to survive as is, they can't afford a fight on two fronts. Gepard is a damn good captain, one of the best for that matter. But they're at a massive disadvantage, his experience is narrowed to fighting a defensive battle against monsters, that's all he's ever done. That's all anyone there has ever done. He has no way of finding first-hand knowledge for taking the offensive against a human opponent, and if he goes at this blind, there's no way he'll get everyone out unscathed. He's going to lose people. He's going to lose a lot of people.

He'd never thought before that Cocolia would have it in her to have someone killed. And with this new knowledge, he has no guarantee she won't go after Serval or Lynx if she decides to retaliate.

Gepard has to remind himself to breathe when he realizes this.

Pela writes down every name the two of them can come up with. Lists and lists of names and groups and anyone they can think of who might be an ally in all of this. They memorize every bit of it, make their plans of who to talk to and when. Gepard watches the sparks reflect off Pela's glasses as they burn the evidence together.

Pela finally leaves, far too late to make it home, but says she wants to stay in the restricted zone anyway to investigate. Gepard watches her make her way in the direction of Dunn's tent, watches her back until she's out of his sight and squashes down the urge to follow and keep an eye on her. His tent feels empty.

In the morning, Gepard is up before the wake up bells. He drags himself out of bed, leads his soldiers through their morning training. The same people gravitate to each other everyday. Friend groups and training partners. There's an ongoing rivalry between a few squadrons that everyone bets on. Some of them have lockets around their necks, keepsakes, mementos. Some of them wear wedding rings.

Gepard is suddenly, painfully aware of something acidic clawing at the inside of his throat, of a heavy weight low in his chest that blooms, takes up room until it threatens to spread his ribs. His mouth tastes of bile and blood.

He rearranges the schedules. Puts himself down for every open patrol into the Fragmentum, makes sure he'll be on the frontlines every single time Cocolia visits.

He only hopes that it's enough.

#honkai star rail #gepard landau #hsr gepard #pelageya sergeyevna #hsr pela #hsr #smacking Gepard out of Hoyo's hands and running off with him skzjmdkd #tentatively Figuring Out how to write these two... It feels a little tricky starting out with extreme circumstances like this haha #I feel like a lot of people see Gepard as naive for trusting Cocolia so much but I don't think that's quite it. He's not stupid.#He's not even naive.#He's someone who has been groomed since birth by his own parents to be an obedient Guard and nothing outside of that role.#You are not immune to propaganda etc etc #But even then there are a lot of things like all the included screenshots where he. Doesn't actually seem to like/trust Cocolia much.#I think Serval was a really good influence on him as a kid. He might have turned out much much worse without her.#and even with how I've written him here. I don't think he's normally slow to act or one to stand aside and make other people lead.#it's just that this specifically was a pretty extreme circumstance for him.#and also he openly states elsewhere that Pela is overbearing and he tries not to interfere with her work whenever possible nskzhdjdjd #Pela too. I don't know that I normally see her as someone with a bad temper or quick to anger.#But again; extreme circumstances haha #Bc like. they both would have seen what happened to Serval when she stood up to Cocolia. they know damn well what's going to happen to them.#if they fuck this up and get caught then they're done.#and I mean. What are they supposed to do? they're two people against the highest authority of the entire nation.#regardless I do love Gepard agonizing over this in the future after Bronya takes over and everything has settled down #did he do the right thing? did he make the right choice? if he went vigilante how many soldiers would have died without his protection?#would Belobog have fallen completely? how many people died because he DIDN'T run away? was it actually enough?#I love characters forced between a rock and a hard place. no good options. pick your poison.#no winning- only weighing what you can and cannot bear to lose.#make your choice and decide whether you want to rot or to burn.

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puke-ur-gutz · 1 month ago

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i will cashapp $10 to the first person who can name 3 real life harmful things bob bryar did without accusing him of thought crime

#wordvomit #this isnt to say the things he said or thought are good or justifiable- just to point out that he never ACTED on them in any capacity #meanwhile he is being socially prosecuted to the extent as if he has. during such an awful time for his loved ones who are the only ones #who will be exposed to all this hate. possibly including the members of mcr #i understand thinking the things he said are sick and disliking him and being uncomfortable at the discussion but.#i dont understand how you can honestly morally justify half of the stuff people have been saying- like 'he deserved it' and whatnot #without contradicting the 'thoughtcrime isnt real' sentiment i see get thrown around so often ?#isnt the Overarching issue with conservatism as a whole not the idea of . moral purity and puritanism and #'everyone. everything and every idea ontologically different from mine and my communities-#they are objectively worse and i deserve power over them as retribution for what they've done'#ie colonialism. racism. yadda yadda #these are false comparatives bc discrimination based on unchangeable factors vs backlash to opinion is vry different but i still think #the core idea of 'no one who has not enacted harm deserves harm wished on them' kinda shines through it all #and there is a semantic debate to be had about the definition of harm but in this case i am using it to mean anything more Tangible #something that has a wider influence than 'the people who read/heard it were upset and uncomfortable' yea ?#im been waffling about this a lot and why it hasnt been sitting right with me as someone who is incredibly uncomfortable with a lot of his #final statements #it just reminds me so much of my dad and what ive watched him go through #as well as other people in my community during the pandemic #i cant disconnect myself from the humanity of that. especially while condemning him for lacking humanity

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silusvesuius · 6 months ago

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this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑

#yes this is a nel/vas drawing get off me😂#text #i wanted everyone to see it but also since i draw on paper in total silence i think a lot about everything so i wanted to voice some -#- thoughts too's. tbh i've been veeery self indulgent lately #actually i'm happy that n*lv*s is getting actual hits out of me that i like looking at #especially on-paper stuff that i can recall being fun for me to draw. all traditional art is fun to draw #and digital has turned into an actual task for me (only sometimes tho maybe i;m lying.. mspaint we're still bffs)#i think i just don't see the joy in trying to scrap up a ''' finished ''' piece in an art program .. pencil i love you and i love the -#- feeling of it scratching along the paper....sigh............ Rabu #i don't want my blog or thoughts to turn into traditional art suck-off ventures bc ik not everyone can get into it for many possible -#- reasons but if u feel like it U can ok? do it for Pencil✏️ and for me? for silusvesuius? 𝖎 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖑 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖈𝖙 𝖞𝖔𝖚 #but Lord i hope i don't also come off as one of those people that r like 'to improve in art just draw that one fictional character u -#- rly like 😂😂' bruh gtfo my face with that.#i'm noticing 'improvement' in my stuff mainly...i think... because i'm always striving to impress #not so much other people that are here just for my art but more so myself #i have a very huge ego (Mind Battle)#also it makes me sad to think about how big egos or genuine (not obnoxious) flauntiness are looked down on #and i can tell bc i used to look down on people that would express the things i'm expressing now #especially in art focused spaces. now i'd rather be in a circle of artists that love to J*rk off their own brain for it's ideas -#-and talent than be w/ very self-conscious artists that are never expressing pride about any of their work #worse if it's to the point where they actively start to fish for compliments bc of it #fishing for compliments is always OK i just wish it didn't stem from insecurity in that context if that makes sense #but maybe that's very easy for me to say and admit bc i did develop a very big ego around my art and ... Creativity? like it's a sims skill #not that i still don't seek out 'attention' or compliments from others to soothe myself but hmmmmmm i hope u feel me.#it just turns me into a very competitive person #who am i competing with? Myself #i'm always in 'you can do better Because you're YOU' mode #which is much better i believe than comparing yourself 2 other artists #i don't think a lot of people read my tag ramblings but if u do i wonder how one feels about a very pompous artist #like me .......(?)

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envolvenuances · 4 months ago

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and I think child modelling should be illegal I'm not even joking

#I dodged it but like it truly felt like we were pigs raised to slaughter. slaughter being prostitution #every little detail I remember now as adult with basic child psychology education from my teacher background is just. how #I'm not brave enough to say 'jail to mother' (yet) but honestly...#what wrong could come from making a bunch of girls used to lying about their age ignoring being made uncomfortable and disrespected #especially by adults who can make all sorts of rules and claims on their bodies and schedules that are treated as secrets #I had the best experience possible and I am certain I did get pimps approaching me my mother and contractors #and even then I felt very weird that I was often sent to nightclubs that only allowed adults as clients but since I was there to get on #stage as work then I could get in and actually I got instructed to keep on 'vip areas' that typically had a lot more drugs circulating #the heels the clothing and makeup I got put on were also so wrong #I didn't hate it at the time some things made me uncomfortable but I liked dancing I liked fashion and I liked how the fact I was 'making #money' made me more respected in my house and I started getting more independence (that I probably shouldn't have been given either)#but ugh the existing photographs already make me want to throw up and I am glad there aren't photographs of the worse 'dance' jobs I did #very strange little universe #I also feel like I was the only girl that didn't have an eating disorder but mostly cuz I already had problems with alcohol that did the jo #but also I got in much older than the other girls and out pretty fast #crazy that 13 is old but like you genuinely hear of 6 year old who are responsible for a considerable portion of the household income #YIKES #the compliments I got on managing to look older and 'being so mature'. yikes #anything that allows a child to be the one making most of the family's income is a receipt for disaster #.txt

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 4 months ago

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Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.

#I’m not even sure if the ADHD is actually ADHD either or if it’s just technology addiction #Gonna get a REAL neuropsych evaluation at some point out of sheer curiosity as to what the fuck is wrong with me #I relate to a lot of autistic things and I relate to a lot of ADHD things; but I don’t entirely relate to the majority of either population #and I don’t relate to people with both enough to think I have both #I’ve begun treating myself as if I am autistic just for Kicks and using things that help them and it’s helping in some ways #but I know it’s probably not autism because even though I struggle socially; it’s not because of the same reasons #I understand social cues; I was only accidentally perceived as rude as a kid (and most kids are kind of blunt)#(Mostly a moderate amount of “Stop correcting me! It’s disrespectful!” from my parents)#And nowadays because of how much psychology and acting I study; I can perceive shrimp social cues #And I’m purposefully doing all the right things but it still feels like I fail social interactions because of my lack of assertiveness #which I KNOW come from being raised in a cult #so perhaps my odd social behavior is from CPTSD from being raised in a puritan doomsday cult as an only child #Because I was NOT introverted or sensitive to others as a child #I did not have routines as a child and the ones I did have were for fun and did not distress me if I strayed from them #But now I need structure as an adult because I don’t know what else to do with myself if I have nowhere to be #But at the same time everyone feels worse when they have no routine or expectations #And is it actually inattentive ADHD or severe derealization and an itch to do as many things as possible #because I spent my childhood being raised in a boring doomsday cult by disabled older parents who couldn’t physically do much?#(And I don’t fault my parents for being disabled but I do fault them for the whole doomsday cult thing)#So I spent my whole childhood doing mentally tedious things when really I’m more wired for physically spontaneous things #Because I was not allowed to walk around the neighborhood alone until I was sixteen #And I couldn’t hang out with friends I wanted to hang out with because they were bad association #So of course I got really good at drawing even though I don’t even like drawing that much #Of course I got really good at writing even though I don’t like writing that much #Now that I don’t need to escape from anything I find I actually hate drawing and writing because it’s such a chore #they make my heart rate accelerate in a way I don’t like to feel #(I hate writing less than drawing)

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spokelseskladden · 6 months ago

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wow who would've thought having the rightwing parties in power in this god's forsaken municipality would be a bad thing...who could've possibly seen this coming....... there's just no way anyone could've known that they would fuck every single one of us in every way imaginable..........

#I'm really mad about the state of things #they're cutting EVERYTHING. the library? cut. schools? shutting down. nurseries? shitting down. health care? in crisis.#things are literally so bad right now idk how I'm even supposed to survive here?? they're fucking it all so bad and for what exactly???#i hate you so much høyre frp and venstre ❤️#''omg we care sooo much about the mental health of men🥺🥺 you guys on the left just totally ignore MEN''#-> proceeds to shut down every institution for mental health and rehabilitation they possibly can #the next election can't come soon enough‚ i hope everyone gets their heads out of their asses and votes red.#like these IDIOTS couldn't do a worse job if they tried #last time we had the red parties in power rhings sucked a bit but at least you could get cancer treatment. and send your kids to school.

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nightfuryblue19 · 2 months ago

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aaaaaa

#this is becoming a realy bad issue ruining my life but i cant talk to anyone about it :(#even just it in the wild drives me crazy its so bad ...idk where to go about it #uggh...it really sucks. it sucks so bad. like i literally cannot do anything about it. even if i were to have someone i trust enough to #talk to about it its just so fucking...i cant tell anyone...SO im gonna be vague about it sorry x_x i know ppl get so curious #sorry im venting in the tags because i feel bad making an actual post #not like it changes anything lmao but it makes me feel better #i feel really bad venting on here but its kind of comforting. i wont do it again..or..often #i wish icould fix this. one tiny thing and it sends me into this like...spiral. it sucks. it sucks. its so embarrassing #its making my life a hell i try to avoid it as much as possible luckily its easy to avoid but when i come across it it HITS me #it hits me. like right now. i hate it. and it hits me and it makes me realize how bad it really is and it takes up my mind for hours #like seriously? out of every problem i could have why is it this lol #i wish i knew what was wrong with me.. i dont think its normal..but oh well #sorry for venting im fine ill try to not do it again or at least go in depth like this. its just. ruining my life i have to get it out-#-in some way even if its vague like this. i dont know if this makesm e feel better even #i think im pmsing lol which probably makes it a bit worse so im fine #venting on tumblr is so embarrassing but i just. no one i trust i can talk to about this. this is all i got #sorry for clogging ur dash lol #i wish i was normal -_-#thunder roars

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kiksniko · 1 month ago

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Kiks! Hi! Give us your top 5 song of all time !

this list changes literally every second of every day but here are the songs that found me at hyper-specific points in my life when i needed to listen to them most

FRI(END)S by V

Like that by Keshi

Good days by SZA

Missing you by BTOB

Reasons not to die by Ryn Weaver

#QnA #Anonymous #so i completely disregarded what i said on my last post about not including kpop #but all of these songs hold a really special place in my heart #for good or worse tbh #coz the first one i streamed endlessly when i was in the throes of the worst situationship you can possibly imagine #the second one came out when i was thinking about how much i miss keshi's music and then he dropped an album the very same month #the third one signifies a lot of things for me that i am not getting into rn thats a whole day thing #the fourth one i cried to almost every day the week before moving away for university #the fifth one. well.#thank youu anon ily also. have shrimp 🦐

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adore-gregor · 1 month ago

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🤞

#exams did go fairly well #hopefully nothing worse than a B but i think an A is certainly possible in at least one of them #so hopefully 🥹��#i did study quite a bit not as much as i hoped for but a step up from my lack of effort the last few weeks #so hopefully i can get back to better routines now #i mean i do know probably many didn't study at all for these exams as they were not that serious #buuut if you want a good grade i feel like you have to at least i studied for like 2-3 days altough i would have liked to study for a week #also my schedule is just insane i think but then maybe it's just me idk #my time management is not the best but i still wonder how others would do with so many classes and extra activities #i have like 20 classes this semester + 2 exams i intend to take extra #i'm not attending all of them that wouldn't be possible and i'm not sure i can take all the exams but i'm happy if I manage like 17 or so #but like a normal amount is 10 classes a semester in my country but in reality most students don't take this many either #well i'm basically enrolled in two programms atm so there's that ig #but often i'm just wondering when i'm gonna study #i also play tennis a lot and competiting for my club (at a rec level)#and i'm training for this entrance exam for sports (i'm currently studying teaching with other subjects + English)#altough this is making me question if i'm fit for this everyday 🫠 i'm fairly good at 2 things ball sports and just like general athleticism #we also need to dance do gymnastics and swim i struggle with all of them #i'm not fast enough at swimming and my technique is bad i can't even do a cartwheel and a bad dancer 😭#the requirements are really high though i mean when i think of people i know from tennis or football no one would even get there closely #like i was the fastest at my former football club (and at every uni football course) and i might just barely cut it for sprinting #and i'm really quite athletic when playing tennis my opponents always notice and coordinated in sports as well #but somehow coordination for gymnastics is not the same?😅 how can i be so graceful playing tennis and most sports with balls but so clumsy #otherwise like doing a handstand... no balance 🥲#but anyways i also do like general fitness stuff going to the gym running a bit and trying to eat healthy #but my studying hours are very limited often tmrw i have uni from half 2 until 8pm in the evening and i have a preparation course for sports #before uni starts at half 10 #i just really get the urge to drop everything sometimes 🥲 i also wanna see friends again more not just at uni and in the bus #i miss my semesters with 10 courses a week it was beautiful so much freedom and free time 🥹#uni was so enjoyable back then... don't get me wrong i enjoy most of my uni courses what i not enjoy is not having any time to myself

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i3utterflyeffect · 10 months ago

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He doesn't even know that victim doesn't know it's him. When he realizes he has kind of an "oh shit" moment of panic because now victim does know.

YEAH... THIS POOR DUDE HAS NO IDEA THAT VICTIM GENUINELY WANTS TO LIKE, TORTURE HIM.

#dark was one thing #but victim is on a completely different level bc they have SO MUCH MORE pent up rage #not to mention multiple animation tools #and also instead of just being happy to see him emotionally suffer they want to like #put him through the most pain that they possibly can #or worse if you want to get a little off the grid with this. might just leave alan to rot in there just like how alan left victim for dead #sensory deprivation as a torture method and all that #tommy's stickmen tag

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readymades2002 · 3 months ago

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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff

#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like #even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it #that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK #literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT #i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less #and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are #(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question #before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor #its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit #half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers #honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom #i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work #even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more #but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard #if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars #but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready #to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark #which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt #all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with #its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what #and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us #our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money #the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion #and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much #850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off #its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what

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sealeneee · 4 months ago

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siiiiiiigh

#i am in fact a grown adult who is still incapable of talking about their feelings and thoughts to people so I'll just rant here #my relationship with my mother is. so weird. it's not always bad but it always ends up bad for one reason or another #she can be perfectly civil and i'll still be irritated. other times i do try to tolerate it and engage and she ends up saying something #upsetting to me either way.#i don't want to keep being rude to her i don't want to get mad and annoyed all the time but i just can't stop. it's always like this #and i hate myself for it and i hate her and i hate everything about it #today i was leaving for work and she was like. i'll take the trash out of your room and i told her not to do it. she kept insisting and i #had to raise my voice at her to maybe get the point across to get her not to touch anything #and yes my room is a fucking mess and it is something to be embarrassed of. i just feel so fucking tired all time time and i keep tellin #myself that i will clean it this time for sure and then i don't. most of the time it's my mother taking care of it without my permission #and i am grateful for it bc nobody likes living in a mess... but i also fucking hate it because it makes me feel even more worthless #i just can't get rid of the feeling of shame. no matter what i do.#and back to the mother thing. i told her that if she touches anything i will go to her room and throw out anything that isn't nailed down #even though objectively i have no reason to oppose her helping me #but i also fucking hate it #maybe being rude is the only way to get it across. but also i get irritated about anything so easily #i feel shittier and shittier every day. had there been an easy and painless way of killing myself i would have done it already #and despite how much i want to blame this on a disorder or lack of access to medication. there is no magic pill that would fix me is there #i'm just a shitty person who cannot get it together despite everything being handed to me #i'm literally bad at anything and everything. i'm not even a good blogger lmao #people have it much worse in life and still do better. me? i'm useless. there's no helping it. i should have died from covid or something #nobody will save me. nobody cares enough. besides one person whom i push away because i can't stand her and i don't even know why 👍#if i stop messaging people first most of them would forget about me #i am alone. a lonely person in a messy room desperately trying to be entertaining so someone will pay a little bit of attention to me.#not to mention the geopolitics #i won't even go there. i hate the possibility that people might see it mentioned and give me shit for it #one more thing that is apparently my fault. directly or indirectly #all i want is to leave this country. spend the day with someone who cares for me like an actual friend. and then shoot myself so i don't #have to go back #sealene.txt

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simcardiac-arrested · 1 year ago

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thoughts on something borrowed (2011) ^_^

okay hi im 6 hours late because im busy as a whale but see i Liked this movie is the thing. it was horrible it was so bad but i was watching it at 9pm and i was so fascinated by how bad it was that i even Liked it a little bit. like i said it was like a car crash. absolutely terrible but i couldnt bring myself to look away. okay so get this there's these two best friends rachel and darcy and the second one is about to get married. The thing is that they are first of all the trope where it's like loser nerd girl who's never socially achieved anything & blonde slaygirl who's annoying and self centered but also weirdly cares in her own way and also fucks everyone. Ok. so darcy is about to get married to this guy dex and she and him go to a party to celebrate rachel's 30th birthday. and then rachel and dex are left alone and he does some shit and she goes this is why i had a crush on you in law school ... and then they MAKE OUT? AND FUCK? LIKE JUS T SUDDENLY JUST LIKE THAT LIEK HUHHHH? HELLO? it's like ok i get you're drunk but seriousy how can you do this to your best friend when she's getting married in a few days. But whatever. AND THE WORST THING IS DEX IS THE MOST WHITE BREAD BORING ASS GUY LIKE THERE IS NOTHINGGGGGG ABOUT HIM THAT MAKES DOING ANY OF THIS WORTH IT he';s literally just. there. and then basically they continue doing fuckall for 2 hours and all rachel does is get mad that dex is still with darcy (?? what is he supposed to do he's supposed to get married to her) and she tries to make him jealous constantly and it's so dumb. ESH you are all horrible people. which is to say darcy spends the whole time slaying and being a self absorbed cunt like always but then in the second half of the movie we also find out she's been cheating on dex??? WITH THE GUY WHO SHE THOUGHT RACHEL WAS WITH ????? and then it turns out she got PREGNANT from him????? SO THEY BOTH CALL OFF THE WEDDING?????????? but then darcy realizes rachel has been fucking dex and she gets SO mad she's like I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU even though 2 seconds ago she was like lol yea it's fine no more wedding i don't think it was working out. and im pregnant from another dude anyways lol haha WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FUCKED DEX? anyways. if you even care rachel had a best friend who was helping her through all of this and supporting her and he was always trying to push her to do what he wants. and they gave like 0 romantic vibes EVER but then out of the blue at the end of the movie he goes Well i like you. and rachel is like oh lol well sorry im too into thjis white dude who is too much of a pussy to do anythiung ever regarding our relationship. and her bestie is like ok. AND I WAS SO BAFFLED BY THIS ROMANTIC REVEAL BUT AT THIS POINT ? THEY SHOULDVE GOTTEN TOGETHER BECAUSE THAT DUDE PUT SO MUCH MORE EFFORT IN THAN DEX EVER DID ADN HE WAS ALSO LESS BORING AND ACTUALLY HAD A PERSONALITY. ok. and then the movie ends and rachel and dex are together and it's like yayyy!!! BUT WHO FUCKIGN CARES THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO BORING AND STUPID . LITERALLY ESH YOU ARE ALL HORRIBLE PEOPLE DONT LET ANYBODY ELSE GET INVOLVED INM YOUR RELATIONSHIP. great movie it was making my face contort with expressions previously unknown to human biology

#it's that sort of dumpster fire of a movie where you read a summary or hear some things about it and you're like #Well haha how bad can it be? and then you watch it and it's SO bad. and you're like HOW MUCH WORSE CAN THIS POSSIBLY GET?#and it's only been 10 minutes and it proceeds to get worse in every way\#i cant #worst toxic cheating ass polycule ever #also rachel and darcy were gay the entire movie they were made for eachother to be in a seemingly unhealthy toxic yuri relationship #that magically works out because love or whatever #but nobody gets it. yeah sure whatever. white ass bread boyfriend who has not a single character trait #who cares #10/10 i need to watch more awful romcoms #cramswering

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